I am extreeeeeeeemely sensitive. I have come to realize that this is one of my biggest strengths... AND biggest weaknesses. I feel as though am I easily able to empathize and sympathize with situations and people. This has happened numerous times where I will listen to a story and tear up without knowing the person, and don't get me started on watching TV or movies. I am a literal basket-case which is embarrassing. This is a constant source of Andrew's teasing. I am under the impression that I've always been this way since my mom has told me stories about how when I was in kindergarten I would come home and cry myself to sleep nearly everyday in her lap because two particular girls didn't like me and would never be my friend. I must confess that I don't remember this and have probably blocked it for some reason.
While being sensitive has made it very easy to relate with people it has also held me back which is incredibly frustrating for someone who has goals. I am terrified of people being upset with me. If someone gets mad at me I will almost 100% of the time cry no matter how much I fight it. For someone who already has to deal with the fact that she looks younger than she is, adding tears to that only serves to further hinder my ability to be taken seriously. Even better, I am unable to be stern with others because I know how it would make me feel if I was in their shoes. It's that whole treat others how you would like to be treated. That darn Golden Rule. Do you see what I mean? How can I ever be someone's boss if I'm incapable of being stern when needed? And dealing with irate customers? Forget it!
That's why I am better suited to dealing with children, yet at the end of the day I'm still going to have to deal with parents (i.e. adults). I either need a Poker Face or to somehow learn how to Brush My Shoulders Off... sigh.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Everything Changes
I have always been of the belief that it is better to listen than to talk.
I still have the same beliefs, it's just that unfortunately I don't adhere as well to them as I once did. I talk... a lot. Too much. I hear myself sometimes and want to tell myself to just shut up, but I don't. The word garbage continues to pour forth. I've been trying to figure out if all of the talking is because I held too much in for too long or if it's because I've just become a total brat? I'm starting to believe it's a combination of both. The really awful thing about it all is that now I've started to stay rude but true things out loud. I've always thought the things I have, but I was smart enough to keep them to myself. Ultimately what would be best is if I didn't have rude thoughts at all but I've been battling that for years and had no success. All of a sudden people are looking at me like wow I thought you were a nice girl but you are really rude. It makes me sad. I've got to find a way to zip my lips. I think what's happened is that from working I've seen how rude people can be and it has caused me to feel less kind myself. The incessant rambling even continues in my blogs. Eww.
More exciting news (for me, not really you) is that Courtney asked me and Sam to be her bridesmaids today! It was super surprising and really exciting! I'm going to keep it to myself until Michael asks Andrew to be one of his groomsmen. I love weddings! =)
I still have the same beliefs, it's just that unfortunately I don't adhere as well to them as I once did. I talk... a lot. Too much. I hear myself sometimes and want to tell myself to just shut up, but I don't. The word garbage continues to pour forth. I've been trying to figure out if all of the talking is because I held too much in for too long or if it's because I've just become a total brat? I'm starting to believe it's a combination of both. The really awful thing about it all is that now I've started to stay rude but true things out loud. I've always thought the things I have, but I was smart enough to keep them to myself. Ultimately what would be best is if I didn't have rude thoughts at all but I've been battling that for years and had no success. All of a sudden people are looking at me like wow I thought you were a nice girl but you are really rude. It makes me sad. I've got to find a way to zip my lips. I think what's happened is that from working I've seen how rude people can be and it has caused me to feel less kind myself. The incessant rambling even continues in my blogs. Eww.
More exciting news (for me, not really you) is that Courtney asked me and Sam to be her bridesmaids today! It was super surprising and really exciting! I'm going to keep it to myself until Michael asks Andrew to be one of his groomsmen. I love weddings! =)
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
In A Nutshell
The current "me" in 10 items or less:
- Andrew has developed a recent habit of snoring like crazy which for me makes sleepless nights and grumpy days.
- Tonight I get to see Legally Blonde with about 20 other ladies and cannot wait!
- Also exciting is that Wednesday I will be taking a half day at work so that I can get my hair cut and colored. Finally!
- I'm in another one of my moods where I don't think any of my friends like me or want to hang out with me.
- For a while now every night before I go to bed I watch seasons of Sex & the City and keep a tally of how many men each women sleeps with a) because it keeps me awake and b) because it's entertaining.
- I'm reading Confessions of a Shopaholic (I can't wait for the movie) and am slightly disgusted by the main characters complete lack of control, but am hoping she improves.
- I saw the movie Defiance on Sunday and thought it was Amazing! I loooooove Daniel Craig and the story of the 4 brothers was incredible. You should see it!
- I only watched part of the Super Bowl. I was tired and uninterested. I really wanted the Cardinals to win but my boss is the biggest Steelers fan ever and had they lost it would have been a really really terrible day on Monday.
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