Stopping Short of the Finish Line

Those who know me well know that I thrive on organization. I make checklists all of the time and get immeasurable pleasure when I get to cross or check something off. However, as of late I've let off of making goals let alone lists. When I have a goal, that generally is my entire focus which comes from the fact that I have very strong obsessive tendencies that I tend to control pretty well for the most part. This comes from making a joke of the things that I do or say, etc. etc.

I think somewhere along the way my mindset has become twisted because even though I have goals that I set for myself, I get almost there and then just stop. Completely stop short of the finish line. I know its twisted, I'm just having trouble controlling it. I have this choking fear that if I succeed and meet the goals I have set for myself that there will be nothing else to look forward to. Nothing more to strive towards. All of which is foolish. Foolish and silly, yet I don't know how to overcome it. I've stopped and now I'm stalling. If I'm being honest I think it's because as long as I can remember I've always had a plan, a goal; whether it was to join a team, get into a certain school, save up for that something special, what kind of job I wanted, on and on. But now I'm here, and I don't know what my next step is and that's frightening for someone who has always known the steps.

It's one thing to be lost when driving, and something completely different to be lost in life.