M.I.A.

The new year is just hours away, so what better time than now to wrap up the last few weeks of the year?

This has been an incredibly busy but wonderful time.

Andrew has been over-loaded with overtime so I haven't gotten to spend as much time with him as I would have hoped. It's been a lot of girl time for me and Tessa.

The move into the new apartment was a good one. I had no idea we had as much stuff as we do until I tried packing it all. Not fun. But worth it now that we're in the new place. It's wonderful. It actually feels like a home. David (Andrew's brother) was a big help in addition to the movers since I'm essentially useless when it comes to that stuff. It worked well though because as stuff was brought in I was able to unpack it. Andrew's parents even came over and helped us get things settled. They really are too good to us. The only really un-fun part was going back to the old apartment so that I could clean it up. I spent a good 5 or 6 hours cleaning; my sister even came over and helped which was a nice surprise. Of course I had to bribe her, but if she hadn't taken the bait then I wouldn't have been able to get everything clean in time.

The Christmas decorating was enjoyable but not as fun as I had imagined it to be. I thought Andrew would get excited about it, but really all he did was take the tree out of the box and then sat down to watch TV while I decorated. At least the tree came out looking good! I even decorated cookies this year! Sam was a good sport about it, Andrew not so much. It was a lot of fun even though at the time we were ridiculously tired.

Christmas Eve was spent with Andrew's family. It was very intimate and relaxing. Christmas was spent with my family who tend to be louder and while not as relaxing definitely still fun. We played games and I LOVE games! In fact I got another one for Christmas that we ended up playing that night after a sort of spontaneous game night was planned. We went and saw Valkyrie that afternoon, and while not an uplifting film, it was definitely a well done one. World War II is fascinating to me, especially the Holocaust. I was obsessed with it when growing up so I had to see it. After watching clips of Hitler from real-life and then seeing Valkyrie I cannot for the life of me understand how a whole country followed Hitler. But after having a discussion with David about it he pointed out that it wasn't as though Hitler sprung out of nowhere, he had been rising up in politics since the '20s and '30s. He gave people someone to blame, to hate. I would like to think that should something like that happen again that people wouldn't follow so blindly, but I don't know, and that's scary. Do we ever really learn from our past, from past mistakes?

Sort of on that same topic, I got an email today from my dad, and then he called me about it. Let me begin with some background history. Erin lived across the street from me and she was the coolest person I had ever met. I met her right before I began 6th grade and for her 8th grade. She was so funny, so smart, so creative; so effortlessly cool. For those who were too wound up in who was dating who and what everyone was wearing they might not have seen the beauty in her, but I did. I worshiped her like a bigger and cooler sister. She's the one who got me interested in journalism in the first place. Fast forwarding a bit she graduated from high school and went on to college, to be precise the architectural school at Rice University. They only accept about 20 people into that school each year; just an indication of how talented she was. On the night of May 10th she went out to get some ice cream with friends in celebration of their first year of college. She never ended up making it home because on the drive she was struck by a drunk driver in a truck and killed instantly and severely injuring 3 passengers. On the morning of May 11th I was naively and happily enjoying myself at a NHS car wash when my mom pulled up in her car not looking too happy. I thought I had done something wrong, instead she was there to tell me something that would rip the veil of innocence from my eyes for forever. Erin and I didn't call each other and chat, she was at college, I was in high school. But that didn't matter. It never mattered. I could see her and it was as though no time had passed. I miss her. For most of the next year I was incredibly depressed, guilty for being alive when someone far more brilliant and wonderful than I was gone. I tended not to let others see that side of me but instead cried in my room, in my car where no one could see. It was easier when I knew that the man who killed Erin (a DWI repeat) was going to jail for 13 years.

The email I received today from my dad was an email that Erin's parents sent out letting people know that the man was up for parole earlier than they had been told. It's only been 6 years and they were asking us to send emails to the Parole Review Board to not let the man out early. I have until Saturday to compose my heart and thoughts into something intelligible. My heart aches right now and I have to wonder; did this man learn from his mistakes, his selfishness? I believe in forgiveness, I have to. If I can't forgive then how can I expect the Lord to forgive me? Regardless of forgiveness, this man has to pay for his mistake, and that means the full consequence. I miss Erin. The little bit of light she shined on me made me a better person, that I do know.

It's Not All About Aptitude

My last post was rather mopey sounding coming from me. I was just having one of those kinds of days I guess. Unfortunately it has extended somewhat through my weekend but I will try for a more upbeat tone today.

I love Christmas time. For as long as I can remember Christmas has always been my favorite time of year. My first really clear memory of Christmas was probably when I was 4 or 5. My parents had closed my door that night when I went to bed, but I was so excited that Santa was coming that I couldn't sleep (this became a habit that lasted until recently). I got up out of bed to see if He had come, but it was pitch black in my room (not a good thing) and I fell over the toy fire truck I had on the floor. Who even knows why I had a fire truck. I got to the door but suddenly I couldn't open it. I thought my parents had locked me in my room and started panicking and crying. I admit not a great story, but marked the beginning of one of my nasty Christmas habits of getting up in the middle of the night repeatedly to see if Santa had brought our gifts yet so that I could get a sneak peak in the dark.

Since then I have grown up somewhat, mostly only because Santa doesn't deliver my presents in the middle of the night any longer which has caused me to be less inclined to get up in the middle of the night... Other bad habits that I had were looking for presents all over the house (luckily I never found any), and shaking all of my presents that were under the tree in an effort to figure them out ahead of time. That particular habit drove my mom crazy so much so that many years ago she started simply numbering all of the presents rather than put a name on them, and come Christmas morning she would pull out her master list and let us know whose was whose. Yep, I'm one of those people.

Past memories aside, I love Christmas and am even more excited this year to celebrate Christmas. My first "big-girl" Christmas! I have my very own tree and decorations, my own home, and the opportunity to start new traditions with Andrew. Very exciting! I have almost all of the gifts bought on my list, and am ready to get all of the decorations set up. It's going to be a GREAT Christmas! If only this move of ours would hurry up so that I might get to all of the decorating. =) Other reasons I love Christmas? The memories of helping my mom bake every Christmas, the cookie decorating, the Christmas carols sung at church on Christmas eve, the gift exchanges with friends, the ability to help others, the reading of the Christmas story and just the ability to thank the Lord for what he has done for me and those around me. Life is good, God is good, and I hope that everyone's Christmas is a bright one spent with family and friends.

Stopping Short of the Finish Line

Those who know me well know that I thrive on organization. I make checklists all of the time and get immeasurable pleasure when I get to cross or check something off. However, as of late I've let off of making goals let alone lists. When I have a goal, that generally is my entire focus which comes from the fact that I have very strong obsessive tendencies that I tend to control pretty well for the most part. This comes from making a joke of the things that I do or say, etc. etc.

I think somewhere along the way my mindset has become twisted because even though I have goals that I set for myself, I get almost there and then just stop. Completely stop short of the finish line. I know its twisted, I'm just having trouble controlling it. I have this choking fear that if I succeed and meet the goals I have set for myself that there will be nothing else to look forward to. Nothing more to strive towards. All of which is foolish. Foolish and silly, yet I don't know how to overcome it. I've stopped and now I'm stalling. If I'm being honest I think it's because as long as I can remember I've always had a plan, a goal; whether it was to join a team, get into a certain school, save up for that something special, what kind of job I wanted, on and on. But now I'm here, and I don't know what my next step is and that's frightening for someone who has always known the steps.

It's one thing to be lost when driving, and something completely different to be lost in life.

Little Miss Know It All

I realize that yesterday was Thanksgiving, but I am of the mindset that you never need a specific day in which to give thanks so here goes. I am thankful for a God who loves me unconditionally, friends who stay friends no matter what, a husband and best friend who knows and sees my flaws on a daily basis but still calls me beautiful, a family that's family no matter what that means on any given day, a puppy who manages to make me laugh when I feel less than capable of doing so, food in my stomach, a warm place to lay my head at night, a job in which to make a living from, and relatively decent health for the most part. That covers most of the big stuff. I can't even touch on the lesser items that are still incredibly important. Those will wait for another opportunity in which to give thanks. May we all find at least one thing in which to be greatful for on a daily basis.

"When he looked into her eyes, and saw that her lips were poised between a laugh and silence, he learned the most important part of the language that all the world spoke -- the language that everyone on earth was capable of understanding in their heart. It was love. Something older than humanity, more ancient than the desert. Something that exerted the same force whenever two pairs of eyes met...She smiled, and that was certainly an omen -- the omen he had been awaiting, without even knowing he was, for all his life..." --from The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho

Where I Stand

Above you are witnessing the mayhem that was our pumpking carving. It was Great fun!

Hobbies. I used to have lots of them. But now the free time I do have left I spend on the sofa either watching TV or movies. I lack the energy to get up and make an effort. The only real hobby that I even remotely invest time in is reading. And even now it doesn't hold the same joy it once did with Andrew and Tessa always wanting attention. Reading once upon a time was about me, my escape, but that no longer exists. I'm hoping that after we move apartments and things get settled (less than a month!) that I can find a way to make more time for hobbies and all the other things I should be doing but aren't.

In a total change of subject let me just say that I completely and absolutely love this time of year! I can't wait to decorate for the holidays, but that will have to wait until December 15th once we get ito the new place. This weekend I was shopping at Barton Creek mall and the place was PACKED! I can't remember the last time I've seen it like that, it has been a very, very long time. It was incredible. At times a bit frustrating but it just felt like... hope. Hope that things are going to turn around for this country. And I have hope that things WILL get better. Here's to hoping for a very happy holidays!

Spur of the Moment Decisions

As much as I want to blog when I come home from work or even in the mornings before work I find that right now I really just don't have the energy, which to be frank is pathetic. I'm going to try and make a more valiant effort at this as well as at taking pictures, exercising, hanging out with friends, and all the other things I am pathetic at.

While Andrew and I are very different most of the time and have few things in common, there is one thing that we are very much the same on; which is both a good and bad thing. When we make a decision we make a decision. There is very little flip flopping, debate, hours of tortured wondering, etc. I don't need to look at all of the options, once I like something that's it.

I was once more reminded of this on Sunday afternoon when we took a drive up to the apartment leasing office where we currently live to see what all they had available before we renewed our lease. Within an hours time I had re-fallen in love with the apartment that is a step above ours after seeing the model of it, found out there was only one vacancy of that apartment and signed our names on the dotted line. I am incredibly excited to take ownership of the apartment in one month, but I must admit that I didn't really think of all of the things that we have to do in order to move down a couple of streets. Oh boy is it a lot! Thankfully, Andrew has the next 3 days off and will take care of of all the annoying but necessary details.

I can only wait to see what Tessa does when arriving in her new home. She's sure to flip out.

Beauty in the Breakdown

I voted yesterday! And while Andrew joked as we left that he felt soooooo American now, I really did. So many take voting for granted and don't do it because they don't have to, don't have time, don't care, but really when it comes down to it; it is our civic duty to vote. I look at it this way: so many men and women worked so hard, endured so many things so they and everyone after them would have the ability to vote, so if nothing else I'm taking care of a responsibility that was laid on me long before I was here. On top of that, why wouldn't you vote when there are people from all over the world who wish they had what we have. I'm excited to see the outcome on November 4th. I am hoping and praying that a change really does happen in our country. That we can fix our country so that we can get back to being a country that is respected and takes cares of others. At some point along the way we have lost the respect of the people who live here as well the respect of so many other countries, and being a country that others depend on, our current situation is affecting so many.

Roller Coaster Monster

Yesterday Andrew and I took a short trip to San Antonio to go to Fiesta Texas. It was an absolutely perfect day to spend time at an amusement park. The day started off slowly. I got ready and then coaxed Andrew out of bed. We drove through Krispy Kreme for a little breakfast (disgusting I know) for ourselves and my parents since they would be hanging out with Tessa for the day. We made it to my parents but Andrew was driving like a psycho and in a rather grumpy mood. We made it to San Antonio without trouble and by the time we got to the park Andrew's mood had taken a turn for the better. He took his Dramamine (motion sickness) and we made our way into the park. I'll interrupt the track I was on to tell you that Andrew has problems when it comes to roller coasters. He doesn't like them ever since an incident on Mr. Freeze which caused him to empty his stomach. That was years ago, and helped me understand his foul mood yesterday morning. We started slow on a family type coaster. He fell in love. Every single picture taken of him on a roller coaster showed him grinning from ear to ear I on the other hand looked like I was holding on for dear life. What happened to the girl who lived for roller coasters? I had fun but my (limited to begin with) daring nature seemed to have disappeared. However it was completely worth it to see Andrew fall in love. He's still not ready for tight twisty coasters such as the Poltergeist, but he's getting there. Oh man. It was SUCH a fun day. My back started hurting so we left but it was a great time. Andrew was all the more happy to have been at Fiesta because he got to play his basketball game, but on an even larger scale. He was the baller of the whole group playing and was really getting into it. If only it hadn't cost 10 dollars per round, hehe.

On the way into and out of San Antonio my little consumer happy heart beat happily. The amount of shopping areas and different restaurants drove me into near delirium. It is a bit sick how much I love to shop, and San Antonio reminded me of that. If I had to leave Austin for some reason I would happily move to San Antonio. In fact, I would really like to plan a weekend getaway there. Maybe do some Christmas shopping if you know what I mean.

In other recent news I've been reading "Song Yet Sung" by James McBride who wrote one of my all time favorite books. I'm about to be all read up as far as different issues relating to this year's HUGE election so I can vote early. Other than that I think I'm about to start volunteering in the children's ministry for church.

My one suggestion for all at this moment is to be sure to vote!!

Surprises Never Cease to Exist

The whole idea of time is a bit mind boggling if you take the time to really think about it rather than accept it as a given. I find this to be the case for most things. I think that is why often times I just accept things as they are. If I thought too hard about it I would be so confused and so lost. However, I digress.

Today marks 6 months of marriage for Andrew and myself! Congratulations to us two dysfunctional souls who have found a home in one another. There are days that drag by and other that fly by. It is shocking to me that 6 months have already come and gone. And what a terrific 6 months they have been! I absolutely, completely, lovingly adore this wonderful husband of mine.

Andrew is not known for being the best at surprises. Rude of me to say, but true. I can count on one hand the number of times that he has fully and successfully surprised me. This morning added another mark in his corner. First off I'm terrible for not even paying attention to the fact that we were about to land on the 6 month mark, which I think hurt Andrew's feelings. He could have easily blown the whole thing off after my lack of attention but he didn't, persistant bugger that he is. =) This morning I woke up to beautiful flowers and the sweetest of notes awaiting me beyond the bedroom. I was completely shocked! It was incredibly sweet and so surprising. I didn't even catch a whiff of a surprise this time around. Lucky girl I am! He pulled the whole thing off after I went to bed. He just had to have that oranage juice at 11 o'clock at night. I didn't get it but I was just too tired to care. Sneaky sneaky.

A Moment of Reflection

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace."

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I don't and never have claimed to know all the verses of the Bible. I had never heard the verse above until service 2 weeks ago, and ever since then I have been unable to stop thinking about it. It correlates so perfectly to a sermon that my pastor gave a couple years ago about seasons in life. That sermon pierced my heart at a point when all I felt was darkness. I was in my winter period and hearing that a new season would come gave me hope. The verse above reaffirms my believe in seasons and times of transition.

If I'm being completely frank the last 5 1/2 years have been some of the worst and some of the best years of my life. During that time I dated, got engaged, and have married the love of my life, I have had many awesome experiences, made fabulous friends, and seen the love of others and the Lord. However at the same time many other things have happened that have scarred me, the loss of a friend who was more than a friend but that of a big sister, the death of my grandfather, friendships that have ended negatively, hurtful words that were said by those closest to me, an injury that has left me feeling like less of myself, and currently the unemployment of my father that has rattled my entire family. It is a constant battle to move past all of the negative and retain my focus and faith on Jesus.

All of that being said, everyone has things in life that effect them, shape them, and Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 reminds me that there is a time for everything. There is a time for pain and there is a time for healing. A time for a miracle. I can't help but feel like maybe I'm beginning to heal a little. I know that there is a plan for my dad and family. A miracle is coming for God turns everything around for good.

One of my Favorite Things

I always use to believe that spring was my favorite time of year. As I've gotten older (and to be honest, more lazy) I've come to realize that spring is not my favorite season, but that fall actually is. Even living in Texas there are times in which the need for layering presents itself. I looooove to layer! I am naturally cold-natured so any opportunity to keep myself warm and look cute at the same time is a plus. Even more than the fashion opportunities that fall affords me, I love this season for something even greater. TV season!! I bring this up as I sit and watch season 5 of 24 in an attempt to catch-up. I love TV more than a person should. I love it, I make plans around what is on depending on the day, I think about it during the day, I have deep lengthy conversations about the characters as though they are my friends. I love this season! I get excited just thinking about it. Next week is going to be a fabulous week, and I mean fabulous. All of my favorites are coming back on, Grey's Anatomy, Heroes, Lost, Desperate Housewives, 24, Private Practice, CSI:Miami, and the list could only go on and on. I love television, I only wish that my love of it didn't cause my bum to grow larger.

This season is a vacation, an escape and a friend when the day just hasn't gone as planned. Thank goodness the writers strike is over and things are back to "normal." I've been in need of a little vacation with sold old friends.

Dear Tessa Marie

It's been a while since my last post. Things have been a little busy and hectic lately.

Today I want to discuss this little girl, who I fondly call Tessa Bear. She drives me insane yet makes me immeasurably happy. She is 8 months old, about 9 pounds total, and a good 3 feet long. Sometimes I wouldn't mind dangling her off the balcony to teach her a lesson, but at other times she is right there when I need her. I've never met another puppy who has as much personality as her. In her mind she is the boss and she will tell you so. If she's mad at me for something she'll literally leave her mark, and she does what she wants when she feels like it. Not all of that is a good thing. Someone is in desperate need of some training, but despite her flaws and despite mine, we love each other. I have never met a better cuddling partner. And she has this adorable puppy smell that sometimes I just breath in again and again. She has a crazy fascination with water, and I mean crazy. She wants to eat it, tame it, kill it, she'll chase it, bark at it, and on and on. She's my girl, and I love her. I'm so glad she's in my life, I don't know what I would do without her.

Taking It Easy In The Big Easy

This is long overdue. Please forgive my laziness. I'll try to keep it brief, and by brief I mean very brief.

New Orleans is amazing! The city has really restored itself from what Katrina reduced it to. This was my third visit and the first time since the hurricane. I really had no idea what to expect since my memories were that from a young naive 18 year old. Lets just say that I cannot wait to make a trip back with that wonderful husband of mine. The city has such color, vibrancy, and life. While I may not appreciate all of the seafood, I do appreciate that it brings other people joy. And while the city is incredibly humid I don't mind; just get me a snow cone and I'm a happy camper. The reason I probably most love the city is because the history behind it. I'm quite aware that I'm a history nerd at times and couldn't have been more excited to be in one of the most historical cities in the U.S.

This weekend trip was comprised of myself and 3 other ladies, Sam, Melissa, and Brittany. We made it into the city without trouble on Friday afternoon, thanks to the Mighty Mazda. Friday night we were taken to a local restaurant, Deanie's. Delicious spicy potatoes! After dinner we made our way to Bourbon street, and then wandered into the Cat's Meow. Fabulous karaoke bar!

Saturday we explored the French Quarter and Jackson Square. We didn't make it into any of the museums, but next time I will. After getting a little warmed up we found a great sweet shop. A snow cone did the trick and cooled me right off. That evening we made our way down to the jazz area of town. Discovered where the locals get down. Had one of the best meals at the jazz bar, Snug Harbor. And then listened to some even better music. The trumpet player performed 'What A Wonderful World" and it literally gave me chills. Chillingly beautiful.

There was not a better way to end our short but sweet weekend trip by getting breakfast at Cafe Du Monde. Out of this world beignets.

I will say that it was incredibly nice to spend an entire weekend with a few girlfriends since I am so often struggling with my insecurities about myself and whether I am someone that people actually want to be friends with. For a weekend at least, I fit in and was liked for me. It was nice, really nice.

A Desire to be Inspired.

I find that I have many things to write about, my recent trip to New Orleans, my new car, my recovering from surgery puppy, but I am lacking inspiration to write about the things that I just mentioned. Why? Because I have a complete lack of inspiration right now. I am in one of my funks and I don't quite know how to rise above it.

I guess I would say that I felt the funk creeping up on me sometime last week and for whatever reason I was unsuccessful on shaking myself from its dreary grasp. My mood is very easily influenced by my surroundings, the people I talk to, what plans I have, etc. I always have to have something that I am striving for, or something that I can get excited about. Right now there is nothing. I'm currently weaving my way through each day, neither here nor there. I need to be inspired, but by what?

Last night before I went to bed I was watching Sex & the City on TBS (if you hadn't noticed it seems to be a recent obsession of mine) and Carrie was in a funk as well. She couldn't find anything to write about. Fortunately for her, a book offer came along and jolted her back to life. If only something of that nature would come my way.

This is my limbo period where I try to figure everything out. The future plans, how to achieve them, so on and so forth. I'll figure it out eventually sometimes it takes me a while, but for the moment I'll settle on being thankful that Andrew doesn't get weirded out by random and not always pleasant mood swings.

I'll end with a touching poem that a very dear friend emailed me last week.

Appearance and Reality by Turlough O'Carolan

To appear wise, one must talk;
To be wise, one must listen.

To appear to do good, one must be busy;
To do good, one must know when to stand aside.

To appear to lead, one must put oneself first;
To lead, one must put oneself last.

To appear caring, one must give advice;
To be caring, one must give space.

To appear to love, one must know how to give;
To love, one must know also how to receive.

To appear happy, one must smile;
To be happy, one must be free with tears.

Buh-Bye Betty Blue

Yesterday was an unexpected day. I took my car, Betty Blue, to the repair shop after noticing that the check engine light came on early Friday morning. At the time there was nothing to be done about it as I was on my way to meet up with some friends before heading to New Orleans for the weekend (more to come on this soon). I made it to Melissa's house but couldn't stop worrying about that darn light. Lights never mean something good has happened to your car. On Sunday evening I made it back to my apartment, but the light remained on. I was so freaked out about it that I refused to drive it to work on Monday. Monday after work I went to my parents house where my car's special coolant was located. As I was driving my car started heating up. Immediate panic set in. We got to my parents house and my dad and Andrew checked it out. I had absolutely no coolant, which was not a good sign as I had just filled up with coolant a few months ago. The stuff is supposed to last a while. They filled it back up but the light remained on. The next morning I took Tessa out and noticed the puddle under my car, yet nothing was to be found under the other cars in the lot. Hmm. I woke Andrew up and told him I have to take my car to the shop. Just on the short drive to the car shop my car started over-heating. Again.

The repairman called an hour later while I was at work to tell me that my radiator had blown up. My what?? Did what?? How?! The price to repair it only served to shock me more. $1300? I got off the phone and immediately called Andrew all the while tearing up. Andrew's response was something along the lines of that is ridiculous and we will be getting you a new car this weekend rather than repair that one. Hold on. A new car? Suddenly $1300 didn't sound so bad when faced with the looming sticker price of a new car. I called my dad to talk to him about it. He thought the price to repair my car was slightly insane and did some research for a less expensive repair.

To make this insanely long story short. I'm getting a new car this weekend. Betty who is my 8 year old PT Cruiser has taken me as far as she can on the highways of life. She survived one accident, 2 or 3 cases of vandalism, the erractic behavior that constitutes my driving, and all sorts of other things. She had spunk and I'll be sorry to see her go!

Here's to finding my new companion, may they have half the personality that Betty Blue had. Wish me luck!

Oh But To Be Carrie, What A Dream!

Carrie Bradshaw. The Sex & The City lifestyle. Wouldn't it be grand? I in my dreams aspire to be just like Carrie without all of the Big drama, constant breakups, having an affair, being left at the alter, etc. No no none of that. I'm talking about having several best friends who remain by your side through thick and thin, where a small little fight doesn't matter the next day, a job where you write what you want to write for a living. A job that allows you to be inspired! And lets not forget about that AMAZING closet of hers. Sometimes I dream of that closet. I don't need to live in New York like her, in fact I don't even want to because I like space too much. I just want to be able to visit every so often. How often do people end up with the life that was just described? I would say that the people who do have that are incredibly rare and oh so blessed. Despite all the odds I still dream of that life. After all, what's life without a dream? And my dream is to be like Carrie... but even better!

Good Little Girls Make Some Mighty Wild Women

So yesterday was my day to go and get my hair colored. I couldn't wait, it had been about 4 months and

I was itching for a change before this girl's weekend to New Orleans. Lets just say... Rose did not disappoint! She

did a fabulous and amazing job. I will forever be indebted to Mel for giving me her information and for having such

awesome hair that inspired me to go see Rose. After years of doing nothing to my hair I am now on this change it up

all the time kick. I'm not quite sure what it all means. Is it the fact that I've been content to appear "normal" because

that's what my parents expected all these years and now that I'm "free" and married I feel like I am now able to do

anything I want? A part of me says yes. I'm no longer bound by their expectations and demands. And by no means

is this new hair wild or insane looking. Some dark dark brown streaks, a little blond and purple mixed throughout but

it's not my ho-hum brown. My hair has personality, a little spunk. As though to say okay this girl looks conservative

and possibly a little boring on the outside, but that there might be a little more to her after all. I see it as a window for

expression.

And seeing how great it looked, I'm ready to be a little more daring next time! Pictures to come soon!

I Could Crash and Burn, But Maybe ...

Here's to a new beginning.

Here's to a new era of writing and hoping that what I feel and write does only good and causes me and no one else harm.

My fingers hesitate when punching the keys for fear of repeating the past, yet my head is ready to burst with all the things I haven't said but want to let out... let go of.

So here I am trying, leaping, and hoping that I land on my feet.

Lets start with something simple. I'm a newlywed. Marriage is so much more than I ever envisioned. As embarassing as it is to admit, I had this glossed over, picture perfect image of marriage in my head. Which makes no sense as I have seen so many marriages in action and none of them have ever been perfect. Somehow I thought Andrew and I would be different, that we would be perfection. Was I ever wrong! Two completely imperfect people with the "ideal" marriage. We are far from perfect and our marriage is far from perfect, but for us it's just perfect. Each day is new, different, and slightly difficult, but that's what makes it interesting. Andrew, and this life we've just started together... keep me on my toes, keep me present.

I make no promises to bring intelligence to what I write, or to wow or even impress. My only promise is to be as real and honest as possible.