Stopping Short of the Finish Line

Those who know me well know that I thrive on organization. I make checklists all of the time and get immeasurable pleasure when I get to cross or check something off. However, as of late I've let off of making goals let alone lists. When I have a goal, that generally is my entire focus which comes from the fact that I have very strong obsessive tendencies that I tend to control pretty well for the most part. This comes from making a joke of the things that I do or say, etc. etc.

I think somewhere along the way my mindset has become twisted because even though I have goals that I set for myself, I get almost there and then just stop. Completely stop short of the finish line. I know its twisted, I'm just having trouble controlling it. I have this choking fear that if I succeed and meet the goals I have set for myself that there will be nothing else to look forward to. Nothing more to strive towards. All of which is foolish. Foolish and silly, yet I don't know how to overcome it. I've stopped and now I'm stalling. If I'm being honest I think it's because as long as I can remember I've always had a plan, a goal; whether it was to join a team, get into a certain school, save up for that something special, what kind of job I wanted, on and on. But now I'm here, and I don't know what my next step is and that's frightening for someone who has always known the steps.

It's one thing to be lost when driving, and something completely different to be lost in life.

Little Miss Know It All

I realize that yesterday was Thanksgiving, but I am of the mindset that you never need a specific day in which to give thanks so here goes. I am thankful for a God who loves me unconditionally, friends who stay friends no matter what, a husband and best friend who knows and sees my flaws on a daily basis but still calls me beautiful, a family that's family no matter what that means on any given day, a puppy who manages to make me laugh when I feel less than capable of doing so, food in my stomach, a warm place to lay my head at night, a job in which to make a living from, and relatively decent health for the most part. That covers most of the big stuff. I can't even touch on the lesser items that are still incredibly important. Those will wait for another opportunity in which to give thanks. May we all find at least one thing in which to be greatful for on a daily basis.

"When he looked into her eyes, and saw that her lips were poised between a laugh and silence, he learned the most important part of the language that all the world spoke -- the language that everyone on earth was capable of understanding in their heart. It was love. Something older than humanity, more ancient than the desert. Something that exerted the same force whenever two pairs of eyes met...She smiled, and that was certainly an omen -- the omen he had been awaiting, without even knowing he was, for all his life..." --from The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho

Where I Stand

Above you are witnessing the mayhem that was our pumpking carving. It was Great fun!

Hobbies. I used to have lots of them. But now the free time I do have left I spend on the sofa either watching TV or movies. I lack the energy to get up and make an effort. The only real hobby that I even remotely invest time in is reading. And even now it doesn't hold the same joy it once did with Andrew and Tessa always wanting attention. Reading once upon a time was about me, my escape, but that no longer exists. I'm hoping that after we move apartments and things get settled (less than a month!) that I can find a way to make more time for hobbies and all the other things I should be doing but aren't.

In a total change of subject let me just say that I completely and absolutely love this time of year! I can't wait to decorate for the holidays, but that will have to wait until December 15th once we get ito the new place. This weekend I was shopping at Barton Creek mall and the place was PACKED! I can't remember the last time I've seen it like that, it has been a very, very long time. It was incredible. At times a bit frustrating but it just felt like... hope. Hope that things are going to turn around for this country. And I have hope that things WILL get better. Here's to hoping for a very happy holidays!

Spur of the Moment Decisions

As much as I want to blog when I come home from work or even in the mornings before work I find that right now I really just don't have the energy, which to be frank is pathetic. I'm going to try and make a more valiant effort at this as well as at taking pictures, exercising, hanging out with friends, and all the other things I am pathetic at.

While Andrew and I are very different most of the time and have few things in common, there is one thing that we are very much the same on; which is both a good and bad thing. When we make a decision we make a decision. There is very little flip flopping, debate, hours of tortured wondering, etc. I don't need to look at all of the options, once I like something that's it.

I was once more reminded of this on Sunday afternoon when we took a drive up to the apartment leasing office where we currently live to see what all they had available before we renewed our lease. Within an hours time I had re-fallen in love with the apartment that is a step above ours after seeing the model of it, found out there was only one vacancy of that apartment and signed our names on the dotted line. I am incredibly excited to take ownership of the apartment in one month, but I must admit that I didn't really think of all of the things that we have to do in order to move down a couple of streets. Oh boy is it a lot! Thankfully, Andrew has the next 3 days off and will take care of of all the annoying but necessary details.

I can only wait to see what Tessa does when arriving in her new home. She's sure to flip out.

Beauty in the Breakdown

I voted yesterday! And while Andrew joked as we left that he felt soooooo American now, I really did. So many take voting for granted and don't do it because they don't have to, don't have time, don't care, but really when it comes down to it; it is our civic duty to vote. I look at it this way: so many men and women worked so hard, endured so many things so they and everyone after them would have the ability to vote, so if nothing else I'm taking care of a responsibility that was laid on me long before I was here. On top of that, why wouldn't you vote when there are people from all over the world who wish they had what we have. I'm excited to see the outcome on November 4th. I am hoping and praying that a change really does happen in our country. That we can fix our country so that we can get back to being a country that is respected and takes cares of others. At some point along the way we have lost the respect of the people who live here as well the respect of so many other countries, and being a country that others depend on, our current situation is affecting so many.

Roller Coaster Monster

Yesterday Andrew and I took a short trip to San Antonio to go to Fiesta Texas. It was an absolutely perfect day to spend time at an amusement park. The day started off slowly. I got ready and then coaxed Andrew out of bed. We drove through Krispy Kreme for a little breakfast (disgusting I know) for ourselves and my parents since they would be hanging out with Tessa for the day. We made it to my parents but Andrew was driving like a psycho and in a rather grumpy mood. We made it to San Antonio without trouble and by the time we got to the park Andrew's mood had taken a turn for the better. He took his Dramamine (motion sickness) and we made our way into the park. I'll interrupt the track I was on to tell you that Andrew has problems when it comes to roller coasters. He doesn't like them ever since an incident on Mr. Freeze which caused him to empty his stomach. That was years ago, and helped me understand his foul mood yesterday morning. We started slow on a family type coaster. He fell in love. Every single picture taken of him on a roller coaster showed him grinning from ear to ear I on the other hand looked like I was holding on for dear life. What happened to the girl who lived for roller coasters? I had fun but my (limited to begin with) daring nature seemed to have disappeared. However it was completely worth it to see Andrew fall in love. He's still not ready for tight twisty coasters such as the Poltergeist, but he's getting there. Oh man. It was SUCH a fun day. My back started hurting so we left but it was a great time. Andrew was all the more happy to have been at Fiesta because he got to play his basketball game, but on an even larger scale. He was the baller of the whole group playing and was really getting into it. If only it hadn't cost 10 dollars per round, hehe.

On the way into and out of San Antonio my little consumer happy heart beat happily. The amount of shopping areas and different restaurants drove me into near delirium. It is a bit sick how much I love to shop, and San Antonio reminded me of that. If I had to leave Austin for some reason I would happily move to San Antonio. In fact, I would really like to plan a weekend getaway there. Maybe do some Christmas shopping if you know what I mean.

In other recent news I've been reading "Song Yet Sung" by James McBride who wrote one of my all time favorite books. I'm about to be all read up as far as different issues relating to this year's HUGE election so I can vote early. Other than that I think I'm about to start volunteering in the children's ministry for church.

My one suggestion for all at this moment is to be sure to vote!!

Surprises Never Cease to Exist

The whole idea of time is a bit mind boggling if you take the time to really think about it rather than accept it as a given. I find this to be the case for most things. I think that is why often times I just accept things as they are. If I thought too hard about it I would be so confused and so lost. However, I digress.

Today marks 6 months of marriage for Andrew and myself! Congratulations to us two dysfunctional souls who have found a home in one another. There are days that drag by and other that fly by. It is shocking to me that 6 months have already come and gone. And what a terrific 6 months they have been! I absolutely, completely, lovingly adore this wonderful husband of mine.

Andrew is not known for being the best at surprises. Rude of me to say, but true. I can count on one hand the number of times that he has fully and successfully surprised me. This morning added another mark in his corner. First off I'm terrible for not even paying attention to the fact that we were about to land on the 6 month mark, which I think hurt Andrew's feelings. He could have easily blown the whole thing off after my lack of attention but he didn't, persistant bugger that he is. =) This morning I woke up to beautiful flowers and the sweetest of notes awaiting me beyond the bedroom. I was completely shocked! It was incredibly sweet and so surprising. I didn't even catch a whiff of a surprise this time around. Lucky girl I am! He pulled the whole thing off after I went to bed. He just had to have that oranage juice at 11 o'clock at night. I didn't get it but I was just too tired to care. Sneaky sneaky.