Dear Tessa Marie

It's been a while since my last post. Things have been a little busy and hectic lately.

Today I want to discuss this little girl, who I fondly call Tessa Bear. She drives me insane yet makes me immeasurably happy. She is 8 months old, about 9 pounds total, and a good 3 feet long. Sometimes I wouldn't mind dangling her off the balcony to teach her a lesson, but at other times she is right there when I need her. I've never met another puppy who has as much personality as her. In her mind she is the boss and she will tell you so. If she's mad at me for something she'll literally leave her mark, and she does what she wants when she feels like it. Not all of that is a good thing. Someone is in desperate need of some training, but despite her flaws and despite mine, we love each other. I have never met a better cuddling partner. And she has this adorable puppy smell that sometimes I just breath in again and again. She has a crazy fascination with water, and I mean crazy. She wants to eat it, tame it, kill it, she'll chase it, bark at it, and on and on. She's my girl, and I love her. I'm so glad she's in my life, I don't know what I would do without her.

Taking It Easy In The Big Easy

This is long overdue. Please forgive my laziness. I'll try to keep it brief, and by brief I mean very brief.

New Orleans is amazing! The city has really restored itself from what Katrina reduced it to. This was my third visit and the first time since the hurricane. I really had no idea what to expect since my memories were that from a young naive 18 year old. Lets just say that I cannot wait to make a trip back with that wonderful husband of mine. The city has such color, vibrancy, and life. While I may not appreciate all of the seafood, I do appreciate that it brings other people joy. And while the city is incredibly humid I don't mind; just get me a snow cone and I'm a happy camper. The reason I probably most love the city is because the history behind it. I'm quite aware that I'm a history nerd at times and couldn't have been more excited to be in one of the most historical cities in the U.S.

This weekend trip was comprised of myself and 3 other ladies, Sam, Melissa, and Brittany. We made it into the city without trouble on Friday afternoon, thanks to the Mighty Mazda. Friday night we were taken to a local restaurant, Deanie's. Delicious spicy potatoes! After dinner we made our way to Bourbon street, and then wandered into the Cat's Meow. Fabulous karaoke bar!

Saturday we explored the French Quarter and Jackson Square. We didn't make it into any of the museums, but next time I will. After getting a little warmed up we found a great sweet shop. A snow cone did the trick and cooled me right off. That evening we made our way down to the jazz area of town. Discovered where the locals get down. Had one of the best meals at the jazz bar, Snug Harbor. And then listened to some even better music. The trumpet player performed 'What A Wonderful World" and it literally gave me chills. Chillingly beautiful.

There was not a better way to end our short but sweet weekend trip by getting breakfast at Cafe Du Monde. Out of this world beignets.

I will say that it was incredibly nice to spend an entire weekend with a few girlfriends since I am so often struggling with my insecurities about myself and whether I am someone that people actually want to be friends with. For a weekend at least, I fit in and was liked for me. It was nice, really nice.

A Desire to be Inspired.

I find that I have many things to write about, my recent trip to New Orleans, my new car, my recovering from surgery puppy, but I am lacking inspiration to write about the things that I just mentioned. Why? Because I have a complete lack of inspiration right now. I am in one of my funks and I don't quite know how to rise above it.

I guess I would say that I felt the funk creeping up on me sometime last week and for whatever reason I was unsuccessful on shaking myself from its dreary grasp. My mood is very easily influenced by my surroundings, the people I talk to, what plans I have, etc. I always have to have something that I am striving for, or something that I can get excited about. Right now there is nothing. I'm currently weaving my way through each day, neither here nor there. I need to be inspired, but by what?

Last night before I went to bed I was watching Sex & the City on TBS (if you hadn't noticed it seems to be a recent obsession of mine) and Carrie was in a funk as well. She couldn't find anything to write about. Fortunately for her, a book offer came along and jolted her back to life. If only something of that nature would come my way.

This is my limbo period where I try to figure everything out. The future plans, how to achieve them, so on and so forth. I'll figure it out eventually sometimes it takes me a while, but for the moment I'll settle on being thankful that Andrew doesn't get weirded out by random and not always pleasant mood swings.

I'll end with a touching poem that a very dear friend emailed me last week.

Appearance and Reality by Turlough O'Carolan

To appear wise, one must talk;
To be wise, one must listen.

To appear to do good, one must be busy;
To do good, one must know when to stand aside.

To appear to lead, one must put oneself first;
To lead, one must put oneself last.

To appear caring, one must give advice;
To be caring, one must give space.

To appear to love, one must know how to give;
To love, one must know also how to receive.

To appear happy, one must smile;
To be happy, one must be free with tears.

Buh-Bye Betty Blue

Yesterday was an unexpected day. I took my car, Betty Blue, to the repair shop after noticing that the check engine light came on early Friday morning. At the time there was nothing to be done about it as I was on my way to meet up with some friends before heading to New Orleans for the weekend (more to come on this soon). I made it to Melissa's house but couldn't stop worrying about that darn light. Lights never mean something good has happened to your car. On Sunday evening I made it back to my apartment, but the light remained on. I was so freaked out about it that I refused to drive it to work on Monday. Monday after work I went to my parents house where my car's special coolant was located. As I was driving my car started heating up. Immediate panic set in. We got to my parents house and my dad and Andrew checked it out. I had absolutely no coolant, which was not a good sign as I had just filled up with coolant a few months ago. The stuff is supposed to last a while. They filled it back up but the light remained on. The next morning I took Tessa out and noticed the puddle under my car, yet nothing was to be found under the other cars in the lot. Hmm. I woke Andrew up and told him I have to take my car to the shop. Just on the short drive to the car shop my car started over-heating. Again.

The repairman called an hour later while I was at work to tell me that my radiator had blown up. My what?? Did what?? How?! The price to repair it only served to shock me more. $1300? I got off the phone and immediately called Andrew all the while tearing up. Andrew's response was something along the lines of that is ridiculous and we will be getting you a new car this weekend rather than repair that one. Hold on. A new car? Suddenly $1300 didn't sound so bad when faced with the looming sticker price of a new car. I called my dad to talk to him about it. He thought the price to repair my car was slightly insane and did some research for a less expensive repair.

To make this insanely long story short. I'm getting a new car this weekend. Betty who is my 8 year old PT Cruiser has taken me as far as she can on the highways of life. She survived one accident, 2 or 3 cases of vandalism, the erractic behavior that constitutes my driving, and all sorts of other things. She had spunk and I'll be sorry to see her go!

Here's to finding my new companion, may they have half the personality that Betty Blue had. Wish me luck!

Oh But To Be Carrie, What A Dream!

Carrie Bradshaw. The Sex & The City lifestyle. Wouldn't it be grand? I in my dreams aspire to be just like Carrie without all of the Big drama, constant breakups, having an affair, being left at the alter, etc. No no none of that. I'm talking about having several best friends who remain by your side through thick and thin, where a small little fight doesn't matter the next day, a job where you write what you want to write for a living. A job that allows you to be inspired! And lets not forget about that AMAZING closet of hers. Sometimes I dream of that closet. I don't need to live in New York like her, in fact I don't even want to because I like space too much. I just want to be able to visit every so often. How often do people end up with the life that was just described? I would say that the people who do have that are incredibly rare and oh so blessed. Despite all the odds I still dream of that life. After all, what's life without a dream? And my dream is to be like Carrie... but even better!

Good Little Girls Make Some Mighty Wild Women

So yesterday was my day to go and get my hair colored. I couldn't wait, it had been about 4 months and

I was itching for a change before this girl's weekend to New Orleans. Lets just say... Rose did not disappoint! She

did a fabulous and amazing job. I will forever be indebted to Mel for giving me her information and for having such

awesome hair that inspired me to go see Rose. After years of doing nothing to my hair I am now on this change it up

all the time kick. I'm not quite sure what it all means. Is it the fact that I've been content to appear "normal" because

that's what my parents expected all these years and now that I'm "free" and married I feel like I am now able to do

anything I want? A part of me says yes. I'm no longer bound by their expectations and demands. And by no means

is this new hair wild or insane looking. Some dark dark brown streaks, a little blond and purple mixed throughout but

it's not my ho-hum brown. My hair has personality, a little spunk. As though to say okay this girl looks conservative

and possibly a little boring on the outside, but that there might be a little more to her after all. I see it as a window for

expression.

And seeing how great it looked, I'm ready to be a little more daring next time! Pictures to come soon!

I Could Crash and Burn, But Maybe ...

Here's to a new beginning.

Here's to a new era of writing and hoping that what I feel and write does only good and causes me and no one else harm.

My fingers hesitate when punching the keys for fear of repeating the past, yet my head is ready to burst with all the things I haven't said but want to let out... let go of.

So here I am trying, leaping, and hoping that I land on my feet.

Lets start with something simple. I'm a newlywed. Marriage is so much more than I ever envisioned. As embarassing as it is to admit, I had this glossed over, picture perfect image of marriage in my head. Which makes no sense as I have seen so many marriages in action and none of them have ever been perfect. Somehow I thought Andrew and I would be different, that we would be perfection. Was I ever wrong! Two completely imperfect people with the "ideal" marriage. We are far from perfect and our marriage is far from perfect, but for us it's just perfect. Each day is new, different, and slightly difficult, but that's what makes it interesting. Andrew, and this life we've just started together... keep me on my toes, keep me present.

I make no promises to bring intelligence to what I write, or to wow or even impress. My only promise is to be as real and honest as possible.